What some women may not understand is that the v**ina is extremely sensitive to some of these customs. It’s all fun and games until you make your v**ina super-angry and you’re curled up in a ball wishing you’d never treated her poorly.
Sure, she’s high-maintenance and may require a little TLC now and again, but you only have ONE v**ina. So, learn how to treat her right!
Here are 5 things your v**ina desperately wants you to know.
1. Please don’t put soap in me.”
Ladies, you want to keep her clean, but using soap is NOT the way to do that. Yes, it’s okay to use mild soap on the outside but lathering your labia is a big NO NO. Soap creates a pH imbalance and leads to all kinds of infections that scratching certainly won’t help. Screaming for the pain to stop? Eh, that might work.
Studies (and Dr. Oz, of course) reveal that “the v**ina is a self-cleaning oven.” You don’t need anything fancy to clean yourself; all you really need is some warm water in the shower or bath and your v**ina will do the rest. Don’t stress her out by making her susceptible to infections.
2. “Would it KILL you to use some lubricant?”
Are you trying to rub your parts out of existence with all that friction? When doing the dirty, you often neglect your v**ina. If she isn’t 100% prepared, well, you’re sh*t out of luck.
A little lube goes a long way and enhances your s*xual experiences — but only if used the proper way. Make sure to steer clear of oil-based and silicone-based lubricants, as they are known to irritate the skin are difficult to wash off (and may require soap, which, again — DON’T DO IT!), and can even cause the condom to break. And no, spit does NOT count as a lubricant.
Don’t be shy about using lubrication. Water-based lubes are totally okay to use (because that’s what they are made for, duh!). Think of lube as armor for going into battle, except for your v**ina. If you prepare and take all necessary steps to prevent irritation and infection, your v**ina will be smiling ear to ear … errrr, labia to labia?
3. “WHY ARE YOU SHAVING ME?”
You give yourself crazy bumps and ingrown hairs when you use that razor, but you do it anyway. She can’t talk, but your v**ina is probably screaming in pain: “With all that shaving, you’d think you’re getting ready to meet Prince Harry. Why can’t you just love me the way I am? *sob*”
Shaving and waxing make your v**ina feel smoother, look cleaner, and won’t completely gross out your OB/GYN. You’ll also decrease the amount of bacteria and lice in your pubes. But how many ingrown hairs do you need to get before you realize what you’re doing?
All those nasty things creeping in your pubic hair travel right down inside your v**ina, since there’s no barrier holding it back. And did I mention INFECTION? Use a razor with rust or built-up bacteria on it and you set yourself up for staph or molluscum. Neither of which are the even least amount of fun.
Unless you want to itch your v**ina ALL DAY, put down the razor! Use a trimmer instead, yeesh.
4. “Scented tampons? You cannot be serious!”
Your behavior is out of control, woman! You MUST love infections, because you’re headed right down that road. Do you think your man really gives a sh*t what you smell like when you’re on your period? Nobody needs blood clots that smell like roses or lavender.
Some consider tampons themselves to be dangerous because of the long-term effects and the chemicals used in production. Dioxins, which are linked to cancer, are in tampons as well as most of the food we consume. There’s also Toxic Shock Syndrome (TSS), a deadly consequence of leaving your tampon in for too long or using them too frequently.
So whether or not you choose to wear ta.mpons, please don’t use scented. They’re not only bad for you, but pretty much pointless. Actually, you might just want to stay away from anything scented that you put on or near your private parts.
5. “You’re using a douche? This MUST be some sick joke.”
Maybe you feel like you can make yourself super-clean downstairs by douching but you’re actually causing more damage than you think.
According to Lauren Streicher, an OB/GYN and clinical professor, “douching promotes the growth of bacteria and may increase your risk of pelvic inflammatory disease by transporting chlamydia or gonorrhea up into the uterus. In addition, vinegar and betadyne in douches can dry va.ginal walls and increase inflammation.”
Essentially, you’re covering up your problems with a douche. Are you remembering to wipe front to back? Are you showering regularly? If you’re really concerned for your v**ina’s cleanliness, seek medical attention that is NOT a stream of vinegar you shoot into yourself.